- an insult to the woman body...

Infertility is a handicap. One or more functions of the body doesn't work. The women body is obvious made for giving birth to children - why have breast if not to breast-feed a baby, why have ovulation, why menstruate...
During a lot of years we waited in different waiting rooms, (often with big posters how to ensure you wouldn't get pregnant if you didn't want to), we where examined, we where wondering why and grieved our unborn children.
At first they found a cyst in my body, I was operated and we where relieved - there was a reason to our infertility. Later when I still didn't get pregnant there was nothing to blame other than us. What was wrong? Did we do anything wrong, should we not be parents - was it the meaning of the life? I had a lot of crazy and sensible thoughts that I couldn't stop or control and a lot of tears when the period appeared. Over 50 possibilities to be pregnant!
I use to write about myself and my thoughts, and I think it was one of the reasons I got pregnant at last. I wrote:
"I'm not giving up! Not until I have the fact that I can't get pregnant or when I'm to old!"
One month later I was pregnant! It took nearly five years - but I got pregnant! I was so used to the thought of me not able to getting pregnant that not until years later I realised that it was possible and that I really had given birth to two children!
The infertility gave me the experience of "not being able to"/ "being incompetent", how people around us didn't understand and made it more difficult to bear and what a big grieve it is not being able to be a parent. Today I am more respectful. I have to accept what happens in life, I just can't control everything, the will is not enough. What a great honour to meet my two daughters, Elin and Åsa. What a privilege to accompany those fantastic individuals in their travel through the life!

At last - the most important:
Infertility has to be treated with respect and as serious as any other handicap!

© Gunilla Rohlin 2000 -2006